I wish Subhash Ghai had left us with some good memories of his colourful past after the awful YAADEIN and KISNA, but then if all my desires were granted, I would not be writing this review but rather watching an entertainer like TAAL or KARZ, but I am afraid instead I have to warn you against watching a very implausible movie, which is a shame as it is rather a sincere effort.

 The central premise is noble, the reformation of a terrorist is the solution rather than killing the terrorist as that only creates another terrorist, and that is indeed an idea to cherish, as the script goes onto preach that all terrorism is born out of injustice and can only be eliminated by correcting the social milieu that is responsible for that calamity, but cinema is more than a great idea or noble thought, it is about execution and scripting the thought in words and images and Mr.Ghai seems to have forgotten that aspect when conceiving this rather dull but inspiring theme of correcting and reforming an afghan Muslim suicide bomber terrorist, sent by some men from somewhere in Afghanistan to blow up the red fort in Delhi on 15th august during the independence day parade, thus massacring thousands, we never get to know what purpose this will achieve other than the bomber recurrently repeating a silly dialogue, I will not respect anyone who does not respect Islam as if Islam was his sister or mother and this was a matter of family honour, but let’s talk about the execution.

 It kicks off with a scene lifted straight out of George Clooney’s SYRIANA where the suicide bombers are recording their last video message, here the protagonist talking in Urdu /Persian is Anurag Sinha, a tall, dark not-so-handsome actor with no acting talent whatsoever, he doesn’t look afghan and that is fine as he is smuggled to Delhi as an  Indian Muslim, with a false ID, borrowed from Mr. Naqvi who was burnt alive with the rest of his family in Gujarat riots by the Hindu mobs, this gives Mr.Sinha the excuse to look glum and miserable for the rest of the movie, as the suicide date draws nearer and he is explained to everyone as the Muslim victim in search of a job in Delhi, while he sketches red fort in black and white in his pocket diary.

 The loopholes appear quickly as Indian security gets wind of the conspiracy and start harassing Muslims around CHANDNI CHOWK, where everyone in this movie lives, sings and dances, he is befriended by a Urdu Hindu professor Anil Kapoor, who is playing Gandhi here as the Muslim friendly secular intellectual, who quotes Arabic verses from Quran and Urdu verses from ZAFAR, while teaching an all girl class at college.

 He also has a irritating wife played in her worse role ever by Shefali Shah, who goes around slapping and lecturing youth in the street as a social worker, and they both live happily with their dumb [really] daughter.

 As we are in the middle of Chandni Chowk and also it is a movie about Muslims we soon have a heroine called Shagufta [Aditi Sharma], making her grand entrance as the daughter of a newspaper baron, she is anything but fresh like her name and is the worst actress ever in a Mukta Arts movie [remember Mahima, Manisha, Madhuri, Aish], she cannot act or dance or even look good and still manages to do 2 awful song-dances, the worst ever I have seen from the maker of Taal and Pardes.

 But all is not lost as you have an awful Qawali with Allah and noor in it, except any musical quality or aesthetic lyrics, but it was better than the khawaja number from JODHAA AKBAR, anyway the romance prospers with the professor adopting the bomber as an adopted brother, while the afghan wants to use the Hindu as a launch pad for getting into red fort.

 There is no logic by now at all in the script, as the afghan psychopath goes around indiscriminately massacring his Muslim accomplices, accusing them of not respecting Islam, and as he is overheard conspiring by the old man Ghafoor who is the man who has harboured him in his house and a dreamer who seeks secular harmony, Mr Ghafoor dies the next day of a heart attack, by now half the Muslims in Delhi seem to know about the conspiracy, which is a top secret, except the Hindu professor and his wife who get a pass from the police for the bomber to get into the VIP enclosure in red fort.

 If you have ever missed the worst circus in the world, and want to watch it, go see the climax of this movie in red fort as the bomber is smuggled in with professor carrying the bomb as a fountain pen, yes it was parker, and while the bomber by now is a reformed man and has changed his mind about blowing Delhi up courtesy of the songs of Ghafoor and professor and his wife, the sheer folly of misdirection where he escapes from the fort with the whole Indian army in pursuit is hilariously bad and embarrassing, but that is not all as you have a really funny terrorist attack on a Qawali function in Kutub minar which is staged by the Muslims, so bomber can save the profs child and charms his wife, that seems to be forgotten and ignored as if it’s a daily routine in Delhi, the director and script writer just about do anything they will, the terrorists are watching the blowing up ceremony in red fort on their laptops through signals coming from the pen ,this is sheer lunacy and will give a real bad name to Indian cinema, but I don’t think it will be seen by even a lot of Indians.

 This is a real lame horse with no bridle or saddle, the terrorists look like clowns, the cops look like villains calling Muslim youth as filthy insects, while everyone but Ghafoor and professor are villains, this is truly black and white rather than grey, as a good idea is given the worst treatment ever by Ghai in a terror oriented movie by Bollywood.

 I will suggest you watch DILSE, MAACHIS OR HU TU TU, rather than go near this chaotically unfunny, inadvertent comedy, yes it is better than KISNA and JODHAA AKBAR, but it is neither well made nor entertaining.  If only Ghai had reviewed his script, if he ever wrote one in the first place, this had a chance of becoming a decent movie as the story was sound, but between a wooden lead actor and actress who are the worst newcomers ever given by Ghai and a badly flawed script which is rehashed from SYRIANA and DIL SE, you have a terribly haphazard mish-mash, some awful songs and a thoroughly overacted stereotyped role by Anil Kapoor as professor Arjun.

 I am afraid this is not going to help Anil Kapoor resurrect his career as it has neither anything intelligent or new to say about terrorism or any entertainment value and as for Ghai, he needs to retire gracefully now as this is his third turkey in a row.

 If you still want to watch it, there is some eye catching cinematography of Delhi and some good Urdu jokes between old man Ghafoor and his wife in the first half, and the background music is well scored, but apart from that I can’t find anything to recommend it, except that it doesn’t make any sense like most movies these days.

 All black and no white, this a black hole for Ghai and a black mark on Anil’s career, which is sinking fast as the titanic, pity as he was good even in Calcutta mail, but that was a long time ago and even Calcutta is called Kolkata now, is it not ?